YeahWrite Fiction|Poetry #457 – This Is Just To Say

I noticed
on my morning
walk

You
so sneaky

Gazing at that necklace
just to take it
as your own

I pondered
while walking
if to stop
you

Here
I am

You
must stop
or be stopped

Forgive me
you will now
be
incinerated


Written for this weeks YeahWrite Fiction | Poetry grid with the prompt ‘The main character (MC) sees someone about to commit a minor crime. Do they use their superpower or not?‘ and an optional technique to use based on a poem by William Carlos Williams.
I attempted the technique but extended it a little for my story…

13 thoughts on “YeahWrite Fiction|Poetry #457 – This Is Just To Say

  1. Loved the playfulness of the verbification of “covert” and the second person POV. Generally, putting a single word on a line shines a bright light on it to the reader. It’s a great technique to pivot into THE BIG POINT or to highlight a significant word, like how you hit almost every “You” in the poem. So the word “so” on its own line didn’t work for me because I think it’s describing the “you”‘s actions and is dependent on “coverting”, as in “Coverting that necklace just so.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your comment! I’m glad most of it worked for you.
      Looking back I can see how the ‘so’ doesn’t work – the issue makes sense. I think I’ll have a look at reworking it a little, I’m curious to see what I’d do with it. Thank you again! 🙂

      Like

      • Yeah, you have a point there – I’ve changed the wording a little so it might read better. I tested that last ‘you’ on it’s own line as well but it didn’t quite work
        Thank you so much for your suggestions

        Like

  2. Wow – I never thought of combining the two tasks. O_o To my ears, having two ‘so’s close together lessens the impact of the second. You meant that to be the more important, I imagine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If I’m honest I was a little nervous about doing it myself, my brain justy sorta went ‘what the heck’ and here we are! Looking back at it I can see how the two instances of ‘so’ wouldn’t work. I think I’ll have a look at reworking it to see what happens. Thank you so much for your constructive comment!

      Liked by 1 person

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